~ grey waves ~

Constant Memories

2010-08-05T13:50:00.001-07:00

I dig them out randomly, reuse them to fill the dark

in my days over and over again.

But those beautiful memories and carefree laughter

seem void of emotions after so much reuse.

Strained present has firmly altered the past

and weeded the life out of those moments.

Memories are all you have, they say.

No. Not always.

The Stranger by Albert Camus

2010-08-05T13:47:00.000-07:00

Monsieur Meursault (MM) is not a stranger in the literal sense and is not always a stranger. Over the course of the book Camus has done a brilliant job of unraveling the protagonist. At what point MM becomes a stranger depends solely on the reader's personality. After about half the book when the murder is committed and MM finds himself being shuttled between his cell and the courtroom, there is a lot going on on his mind. The following pages are quite intense as MM tries to assess the gravity of his situation, while none of the small details escape his attention.

MM comes across as a very strong and rational character ill at ease with the ways of the world, which is understandable. During his entire trial that goes on over a few months, he has innumerable thoughts and opinions, which is also natural. However, not once does he feel a flash of remorse or thinks that he could have shown some restraint on that fateful day. Not once. To him, that day is done and over with. He has no eyes for the past. That is the place he turned alien to me.

Camus has not made any conscious effort to make MM a stranger. Its just this particular human identity is a bundle of queer and firm opinions, desires, dislikes, and thoughts. None of it will change come what may. Camus could write another hundred pages and still MM would turn a stranger at some point or other. Must read.

My First Solo

2009-12-31T16:55:00.000-08:00

Date: Dec 30, 2009

Time: 10AM to 12 Noon

Out of: Freeway Airport, W00

Rwy: 18

Tail Id: N971FM

Conditions:

Winds - About 3kts from WNW (300 deg) - Calm

Visibility - Unrestricted

Ceiling - 7000 ft (broken)

Today I flew my first solo in the pattern. It was such a wonderful feeling being up there on my own. After months of flying in the pattern with my instructor, yesterday was such a big break for me. I am just so happy and feel a lot more confident now. One thing is for sure - every take-off and every landing is so special and unique.

Spring

2008-04-25T17:36:00.000-07:00

With every twig and stem teeming with life
it seems spring was always here, leaves
hidden behind the layers of snow, waiting
patiently to be discovered by the sun.

Note: I am amazed how the trees turn from bare to green in such a short time. It's as if there is a green explosion. And they seem to be in such abundance that you forget winter was even here.

Blindness

2008-04-25T17:30:00.000-07:00

Like many novels that I read over a period of time, I read Blindness in five months. It's my first novel by a Portuguese author and Saramago's writing style is distinctly different from any that I have read before.

First, the sentences usually are very long, running to ten or twelve lines on an average. So the entire book just runs in paragraphs. Then, there is hardly any punctuation except commas (in abundance). Dialogs by different characters are separated by commas within a single sentence making it slightly difficult to follow. There are no quotes around conversations, which makes you pay close attention. Second, none of the characters have names. Throughout, they're all addressed by some unique trait that they have. For instance, "girl with dark glasses", "doctor's wife", "old man with black eye patch" and so on. Third, there is no name to the city where this epidemic strikes and there is no definite mention of time when this happens, which lends some kind of uncertainty and timelessness to the novel.

The plot itself revolves around the onset of a sudden "white" blindness in a city. There are a handful of characters that come together by chance and face the difficulties, albeit with one pair of eyes -- that of the doctor's wife. Within a matter of days, the whole city is blind and law and order, governance break down quickly. There is chaos everywhere and people are soon resorting to barbaric means to obtain food and basic necessities. Eventually civility disappears. The authorities try to quarantine those struck by the epidemic, but with all losing their sight, there is little point in keeping a few in seclusion. The story revolves around the survival of these blind people amidst the anarchy that results.

Saramago glorifies the human spirit. At several places, he speaks very highly of human nature. The nature to help and share, to face adversity with courage, and to stand together in harrowing times. When newspapers today often print news items quite the contradictory, this is a refreshing perspective of human nature indeed.

My Name is Red

2007-12-08T16:12:00.001-08:00

There are several notables about this novel. First is the narration. A handful of characters narrate different pieces of the story, thus building a beautiful, continuous piece and at the same time giving their thoughts and opinions. Second is Pamuk's description of sixteenth century Istanbul. Arcane and brilliant at the same time, it rouses in the reader an extremely strong desire to be where the action is. There are numerous stories on painting, art, and illuminating (intertwined within the novel itself), which the characters narrate to put forth a point or express an opinion.

The quest for truth and the fear of profanity leads the master illuminators into unexplored territories, then turning them against one another and eventually to murder. There is heavy debate on style, on whether an miniaturist should sign his own painting, and what form of painting is an affront to Allah and Islam. While each of the master illuminators is proud as a peacock (not to mention how proud they are of their wives' beauty), each is also torn between sticking to the ways of Chinese masters and innovating (switching to Frankish style) to preserve a place for himself.

The story revolves around a manuscript that the Sultan has commissioned, a book that would glorify his reign. There is varied opinion on its style and how provocative it is, resulting in the feud for power, and murders, around which the story revolves. On the whole, a good book, although the language is distasteful at times.

Federer on Clay

2007-06-12T13:27:00.001-07:00

I was an ardent tennis fan and Pete Sampras is my favorite. Even after four or five years of his retirement from professional tennis circuit, my loyalty remains unchanged. I still watch and enjoy tennis, so I realize that Roger Federer seems formidable to all his opponents now, perhaps except of course on clay. His recent loss to Nadal at Roland Garros reminded me of Sampras' only semi-final run at French Open in 1996, where he lost to Yevgeny Kafelnikov (it is a solace Kafelnikov eventually went on to win the open). That was a sad moment, because it was the closest he got to the title, unlike Federer, who is a two time finalist. Federer has a lot of great tennis left in him and might still go on to win on clay in the next year or two (unlike Sampras). Once I would have vouched that Sampras' fourteen grand slams was unbeatable. But now I know Federer will beat Sampras' record before he retires, which I am not too happy about. But then, records are meant to be broken and a few years down the line someone else will break Federer's.

List of books I've read

2007-06-08T10:21:00.000-07:00

2007:
The name of the Rose - Umberto Eco
Banker to the Poor - Muhammad Yunus
July's People - Nadine Gordimer
My Name is Red - Orhan Pamuk

2006:
Inheritance of Loss - Kiran Desai
One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Dracula - Bram Stoker
Lord of the Flies - William Golding

2005:
One flew over the cuckoo's nest - Ken Kesey
Canary row - John Steinbeck
Sweet Thursday - John Steinbeck
Short stories by American authors
Beloved - Toni Morrison
Things fall apart - Chinua Achebe
The great Gatsby - Scott Fitzgerald
Years of childhood: AKe - Wole Soyinka
Heavier than heaven - Charles R. Cross
Random walk down wall street - Burton G. Malkiel
Trial - Franz Kafka

The Name of the Rose

2007-06-08T09:56:00.001-07:00

It's very hard for me to write a fair and personal review on this book. First, because of all the Latin text, which I initially tried to follow by hopping on to the web every now and then. I began to realize I was spending way too much time understanding these (I have more books to read) and so decided to find the meanings of only those phrases that seemed important to me, given the context, or those that occurred repeatedly. Well, it worked (because I finished reading the novel), but I am sure I have missed a great deal in not understanding those beautiful phrases, which convey much more than a reader like me can perceive. Books like these are lot more than a rudimentary plot. Often they express and solicit varied opinions on bigger things like life, its meaning, death or trivial things like sleep, dreams, food etc. At every stage the richness of content and power of words feed to your mind, forcing you to think and form a viewpoint. As for the novel itself, it is sort of firsts to me in some respects. Being my first about early Christianity, it was a great opportunity to read about Franciscans, Benedictines, Papal legations, and monks. The story itself moved at a relatively slow pace giving ample time to absorb these details. The manner in which chapters have been titled is novel. One handicap was that I was unable to visualize their settings and appearances very clearly (although I did surf for images on the web). I plan to watch the movie soon. On the whole, a different kind of book to read. I am still in the process of figuring out the meaning of the final Latin hexameter.

One Hundred Years of Solitude

2007-05-28T09:17:00.000-07:00

I read this book over a period of six months. It's not the kind you can't put down. There are so many characters spinning around and so many things happening over such an extended period of time, to comprehend it all takes a while. That multiple characters have same name make it a little more harder. Very thoughtful of the author to have provided a family tree right in the beginning.

It has one of the most beautiful opening lines impressively followed by pages portraying Jose Arcadio Buendia's passion for science. I loved the reference to ice, magnets, earth and its shape, the compass and so on. Unbeatable portrayal of a curious mind. Set in a fictional village Macondo, it traces Buendia's family history over a period of one hundred years. This is my first attempt at reading magical realism and there are parts of this book I thoroughly enjoyed. Somewhere in between, I thought it got a little repetitive with the arrival of Pilar Ternera. However, after a few pages of boredom, it always got interesting, so I had to just hang in there. Since I read this more than a year ago, I am unable to mention finer details. Ursula's character lived for most part of the novel, being a pillar of the huge family from beginning to end. Melquiades' character was like Godfather for the entire Buendia family, continuing to live even after his demise through his parchments. The closing pages are equally absorbing and sound so surreal, especially the sentence

The first of the line is tied to a tree and the last is being eaten by the ants.

It is hard to keep the reader's attention to the variety of events happening to all the Buendias, their sons and daughters, and their offsprings. But Garcia Marquez has achieved the same effortlessly by combining science, history, war, and magical realism. A classic.

Lord of the Flies

2007-05-28T05:22:00.000-07:00

"The theme is an attempt to trace the defect of society back to the defect of human nature." -- William Golding

When I started reading 'Lord of the Flies' by William Golding, I was rather amused. In my enthusiasm to get started, I had skipped the introduction by E.M. Forster and was blissfully unaware of the impending twists and turns. I was plain lucky, because I did not know what to expect and as the stage was set, I was getting prepared for a fun filled adventure. Well, needless to say I received pin pricks and huge shocks as I read. The murder of Simon was unexpected and the language used to describe it was subtle, yet intense. I had to read the para thrice to make sure I was understanding it right. I began to realize this was an adventure of a very different kind. Another important feature is the emotions characters are able to evoke. Anger towards Jack, sympathy towards Piggy, and admiration towards Ralph surfaced purely because of the beautiful language. Although I have little patience for pages describing locales, I must admit this one was done in a very engrossing way. Well, I don't wish to let out anything more than I already have.

Through a bunch of eleven or twelve year olds (and some even younger), Golding has proved emphatically how very human we all are. Behind the facade of civilization and development, we are all just animals eventually drifting towards chaos and savagery. It is as if our true self comes to the forefront when devoid of rules. If this is what pre-teens are capable of, I wonder what would happen with adults in the same situation. Would we be more disciplined and rational? I doubt it. A lot more would have happened in the first few pages, I am sure.

Poor child

2007-05-05T19:09:00.000-07:00

A poor child
ceases to be a child
for there is no laughter
only the rage to survive
for there is no dream
to dream means color and life
for there is no life.

Rubik's cube

2007-04-07T20:47:00.001-07:00

My life was like a pocket cube
unsolved, yet simple
some moves here and some there
I could see the smoke clear.

It turned into a standard cube
as I was finishing my teens
I started judging each face
but things hardly felt in place.

It progressed into a Rubik's revenge
to remind me of all my mistakes
cubes deceived to be where they belong
and gave me a sense of false aplomb.

It is spiraling into a professor's cube
I stare helplessly at new dimensions
that get added at twice the rate I age
tagging along and taking center stage.

I wonder if there is an algorithm to use
deep in my heart I know there is none
my life is meant to be a magic cube
that I will forever try to solve.

On the fast lane

2006-12-07T19:13:00.000-08:00

His wagon rushed like a wanton thought
etching its own free course, as his
torpid mind stared through drowsy eyes,
dancing from those shots of spirits.

The wagon found its prey, driving over
drooping bodies and dreamy minds
relieving them of poverty and of life
and leaving behind a few orphans.

His mind was still dancing.

This is for all those people who sleep on pavements and beneath flyovers. Where we wake up to sunshine, they are truly lucky to even count another new day -- not run over by careless drivers.

Title - TBD

2006-10-26T20:45:00.000-07:00

Harmless lies and unclaimed mistakes
as a flock of birds, similar in anonymity
screaming thoughts in ranting mind
thick as a stacking column of smoke
nameless fancies and fledgling hopes
making separate trips to lotus land
contained anger and pungent humor
hidden behind a mask of muteness
sprouting ideas and simple questions
like potter's clay that never take a mold
unfounded doubts and modicum of hate
that try to flourish and painlessly revive.

Lost in the humdrum of days and weeks
that spread like an unending fabric, and
struggling to decipher the road ahead.
These short emotions go unheeded,
tangled as the yarn that made the web
like a pile of seeds scattered all over
unless one decides to sprout and
touch the purple cloud.

Just a thought on all those fleeting emotions that cross my mind during the day. Nothing stays long enough, it all changes with the situation. Wanted to capture it in words, but I am really not sure if it's conveying what I want to.

Random flower

2006-10-12T16:48:00.000-07:00

This is my first drawing on Adobe Photoshop. It started really random and confused, but eventually I managed to give it some shape. I know there are some visible nicks and cuts, but hopefully next image will be better.

Coke Blak

2006-10-04T18:20:00.000-07:00

I got a taste of this new drink today. I have no clue how long it's been in the market, but I purchased a few bottles just two days back. The packaging looked neat and the new dark brown and black bottle was a welcome respite. The drink was not. The ad says it's a fusion beverage, but I'd prefer to call it confusion. It tastes of cola, coffee, hazelnut, and something else that I can't place in my mind right away (although the ad claims "Experience the fusion of coke effervescence with coffee essence"). The last thing it did was inspire my mind, not to mention the headache I had thereafter. The quest to increase market share by an infinitesimal percent and outdo the competitors is giving rise to these terrible concoctions. As I write, I wonder what else is brewing!

Inanimate company

2006-09-27T16:11:00.000-07:00

Off late whenever I've had to undertake a long journey alone and by bus (I can't afford air or train travel), I find myself occupying my seat as well as the one next to mine. Either I've stretched my legs, or have some of my belongings on the seat, I am simply looking out of the window scared someone might ask if they can sit next to me, or better still, I have a hostile expression on my face. I've seen other people do it too, and this strategy actually works. I want to make my small home in the bus for those few hours and guard it like my territory. In the company of my ipod and laptop, both of which perform for me, I do not see the need for a person nearby. I know others who prefer cell phones and video games. This is the latest commuting protocol that I've learnt.

It's interesting how travel has changed. When my mother used to travel alone a decade back, she invariably came home with stories about someone she met on the train or bus, how they kept chatting all along, food they exchanged, and much more. She even got their phone numbers at times, though she never called them afterwards. But then she met people and had company.

Despite the facilities and frills attached to travel these days, I really don't know how many people look forward to the 'journey' itself. The attitude is to get over with the time commuting, then relax and
enjoy once the destination is reached. And yes, whether the journey is long or short, we are all hooked and wired.

This post is not about how we've changed or how unfriendly we are. Technology has played a pivotal role in making us the kind of travel companions we are today. It's cool to have all your gadgets in grand display, an assertion that 'I am traveling with my troupe'. Well, just wondering how things will be ten years from now. Would the troupe have more members or would it be disbanded?

Note: Books are not included in this category becasue I strongly feel they have life.

Nature and Physics

2006-09-19T18:18:00.000-07:00

Nature is harmony and artistry
that kindles this physicist’s curiosity
she speaks not, nor she observes
she acts of her own free desire, but
has a benign heart to let me watch.
To study what she does is hard
to see how she does is formidable
knowing why she does is impossible.

This is part of a poem I wrote on physics and nature for my copoets at NYU. The other stanzas aren't very beautiful, so I decided not to put them here. I am working on making them better. Perhaps I'll use them in some other poem.

What's in a poem

2006-08-31T15:19:00.000-07:00

I recently completed a poetry writing course at NYU. It was indeed an exciting eight week period for me. For a change, I had started looking forward to Thursday evenings.

I learnt a host of poetry terms and poetry forms, which is not what I am going to show off here. There was something much more fundamental missing in my earlier poems and my perception of the whole process of
writing was flawed. Here are a few things I learnt/ observed.

Read your poem aloud - I never used to do this, always muttering the lines under my breath. I never heard how the words sounded or whether they rhymed well. But this new habit gives me a completely different
perspective about my poems. Even by reading it aloud to the four walls, I've rid myself of the fear that someone may read what I write.

Be honest about why you wrote a poem - It's not that I wanted to be dishonest intentionally, but I always thought I should give very valid and concrete reasons as to why a poem came to my mind. What the heck.
It's just a poem and you could write it for any silly reason. I've written many poems only because there were certain words I wanted to use.

Every word is not the same - I am a strong believer in equality, but I have to admit that no two words are the same (even if they are synonyms). Some words are melodious and in harmony with others, while
some are not. For e.g., nozzle, fish are not beautiful words. There's something about them that's not pleasing to my ears. I've realized this and try to avoid using those words which I don't like.

That's all I have to say for now. Later.

As a teen

2006-08-30T22:13:00.000-07:00

Profanity was my armor as a teen
I heard it in school - it smelt to me
like blood does to a carnivore,
tasted like my choice dish that
I couldn't let go, so as I used it
I felt in control and saw it as
the start of a revolution in me.

My parents hated me the most
and they felt terror as I spoke.
They loved me more than my sibling
Lu, who went to school in Beijing.
My dad was home on Mondays and
my mom was home on Sundays, so I
stayed quiet two consecutive days.

To rid me during holidays, I was
sent to my grandma's place
I threw my cousin into Lammond bay
so she spread rumors without delay
"Su swore and called God gay", which
upset my grandma so she sent me away.
I will show her it wasn't my mistake.

I was with a cute owl that whole night
when I actually saw a black rose bloom.
The owl tried to make some rose-hip jam
I hit him in the head, called him thug.
"Je suis desole, ne chatier pas moi"
he cried, and light, light the night smiled.
Then I fell off the tree with a smash.

My parents promptly arrived to find
my ankle bruised bad as a rainbow -
red, blue, green and indigo - my naive
cousin of deceit watching with regret.
Soon we hugged and smiled like mates,
made up before I left, but she is a bitch
and I cursed her under my breath.

Those words had life, but I used them so
much they are now old and almost dead
that I've laid my weapons to rest.

This is a sad attempt at Jim Simmerman's twenty little poetry projects. It is a challenging task to combine the projects into one poem.

Time to Smile

2006-08-19T16:31:00.000-07:00

Seven hundred and odd smiling faces, and why not?Yes. I'm referring to our MPs indeed. Their pay package is increasing!! Doubled pension, doubled daily allowance (for attending parliament), two cell phones, dozen more air trips a year and much more. And the bill gets passed faster than the Embraer jets that carry our VIPs. Another one against sting operations might get passed soon. They're working tirelessly.Parliamentary affairs minister Priya Ranjan Das Munshi says --

Indian MPs were the lowest paid in the world although they represent the highest
number of people.

So as India's population spirals out of control (1.6B plus by 2050), our MPs are finally beginning to get the dough they deserve.

"If our house functions well, not only salaries but all their allowances should
also be increased. Look at how the private sector pays and look at how MPs get
paid across the world,"

said Rahul Bajaj, Independent MP.I concur completely. Unlike the corporate world, it takes a lot of effort and time to vegetate. This merits some recognition from our side and I'm glad the taxes we pay are helping sustain the homes of these MPs.And then, some MPs also want compensation to be related to performance which, given their history and other pressing issues, will take a long time to implement.

On Lex

2006-08-19T16:02:00.000-07:00

I hear the rhythm beside me
like the faint beat of a drum
it flows with the mild breeze
and abruptly ceases, to free
me from my skein of thoughts.

It resumes in a few seconds
once the white man shines
its evenness stands apart
from all the soft voices,
giggles, and clamor around.

I'm focussing on the beat now
but I fear my curiosity may
kill the constancy it shows.
But she walks ahead, not a step
missed as her blue skirt flows.

Between those few blocks I've
heard the rise and fall of strides
before they fade into the subway.

I was on my way to a subway (metro) on Lexington Ave a few weeks back. There was this lady walking near me with such a rhythm in her stride that I was tempted to swing around and take a look. That I did. A few days later when I remembered it, I just scribbled these few lines.

Mind

2006-08-06T18:23:00.000-07:00

My mind just created its twin
and they're playing tug-of-war
how I wish one would just win
they're identical, but never concur.

One is here, other is there
and they are both getting stronger
one is happy and the other gloomy
I can feel the increasing polarity.

While one is loving, but despaired
the other loathes, but is inspired.
I know not which one lies, I see
not which one is a friend of mine.

The game goes on and on
can't they sing the same song
be of the same stripe and kind
oh, the ambivalence of my mind.

Contradiction and chaos are integral part of my life. I built this poem around the first two lines because I liked the idea of twin and tug-of-war applied to my mind.

Complete publicity makes it absolutely impossible to govern

2006-08-06T09:21:00.000-07:00

Soren Kierkegaard was a famous nineteenth century existentialist philosopher. I understand that much of his works relate to religion, ethics, theology etc. I have not much idea about the political system in Denmark in the nineteenth century or the context in which Kierkegaard made this statement -

Complete publicity makes it absolutely impossible to govern.

However, I feel these few words render themselves very apt in today's politics and governance.
Publicity as I interpret here is the condition of making known or aware, rather than advertising or promoting something. Post self-promotion phase (manifestos, campaigning), any new government usually falls silent abruptly - as if stupefied by their own victory. Anyway, on a more serious note, a governing body needs privacy during various stages of their functioning, which is available to them. They have no obligation to make public their day-to-day discussions, and all those brain-storming en route to any final decision (it would show them in a very bad light). But there is a host of information a governing body receives at various levels, in varied forms classified as social, legal, economic, political etc. This is presented to the public in a suitable way on a need to know basis, which is justified. For instance, any confidential information they receive on an impending terrorist attack or a similar event is best handled by cautioning rather than declare openly and struggle to handle the chaos it creates, along with averting the disaster in waiting. Any nuclear test conducted is best kept a secret until completed. These are just two instances that come to my mind, concerning security. A host of other less critical news reaches the public after a lag.

There is another side to this discussion, albeit slightly out of context. Unfortunately, our government is not very discerning on this front - which news to leak and which one to conceal. There's also a tinge of indifference here. That's why Satyendra Dubey was brutally assassinated when he blew the whistle on the Golden Quadrilateral corruption. Apart from security of the state, the government should also be keen enough not to leak any information which puts a civilian in jeopardy. It's time to consider implementing some form of Whistleblower Law, because an individual citizen's security is also a foremost responsibility of the state.

To conclude, in today's situation, the government reserves every right to keep certain information confidential. At the same time, they need to apply keen judgement to determine when and how something of classified nature is headlined, which is equally important.

Violent peace

2006-08-01T19:11:00.000-07:00

Over the last few months, I have been volunteering with this lady who conducts music workshops for children aged between ten and fifteen. She has a modest grant of $500 from Manhattan Cultural Council and is required to conduct workshops on peace. While it was real fun to work with kids and peek into their creative minds, it also brought forth a picture I had been missing – maybe because I seldom interact with children.

Some of the songs/ poems the groups of kids had come up with were amazing. There was home peace, animal peace, brain peace and so on. However, there was this group which came up with a song, whose first two lines ran thus –

This world will see peace
when Bin Laden is beheaded
…

Needless to say, I choose not to quote further. This is sample good enough. Obviously, we ended up not using the song for the concert. However, I kept thinking why they came up with this song, despite our repeated emphasis that this was a peace workshop. Do they not understand what peace is? Perhaps they don’t. The media blares from all fronts about the Iraq peace process, Middle East Peace process, South East Asian Peace Process and also attributes numerous deaths and civilian casualties to these. Thanks to the Internet, children have access to all news and events in their entirety.

When I think carefully, it’s not surprising they came up with a song like this. At this impressionable age, we are setting such a bad example for them. They have come to believe that violence uproots violence, death is paid back with death, and life is not valuable at all. And it’s not their fault. We need to pause and think what we’re doing. Besides ruining the present, we are sending terribly wrong signals to the next generation. If this goes on, in a few decades there will be nothing left to salvage. It is our responsibility to leave for them a world that is tolerant and peaceful. If you interact with children, I request you to take a few minutes to tell them what peace is, give them a broader picture of what’s going on in this world and why certain things are not right. I don’t have to elaborate and it’s never too late.

Strangers

2006-07-27T20:33:00.000-07:00

The world without strangers
would indeed be a strange place
recognize every single face
shake every hand and yes,
pass infinite smiles.

You’ll never reach where you
set out to go, because of
numerous stops in between.
You’ll never get home because
good byes will never cease.

You’ll never say excuse me,
never make new friends.
You’ll always try placing
names and events and you’ll
hardly be in peace.

This is a tribute to all the strangers around me. Thanks for being one.
Inspired by the word "Strangers" on someone's t-shirt.

A day for Pi

2006-07-27T20:19:00.000-07:00

There’s a day dedicated to Pi, you may
ask me why – maybe because it’s
irrational and an infinite decimal.
The celebrations on the day before
the Ides of March may mean eating
a pie, playing a piano, or simply
drinking Pina Colada. What a way
to celebrate the rare constancy
and honor our very own sweet pie.

I love math. Particularly because I'm not good at it. When I was writing a poem on physics, I got to know that there was a day for Pi. Thus "A day for Pi" was born.

Thoughts

2006-07-22T18:15:00.000-07:00

My thoughts have drifted
away, far and remote, like
a dandelion clock blown
by a five year old.
But then I realize that my
thoughts have reached home.
It’s me who is still drifting
away, far and remote.

I don't want to say too much about this poem. Just want to go home.

Nineteen Eleven

2006-07-17T20:14:00.000-07:00

When I was in my bold twenties
many, several moonshines back
the world was prepared for war
and I was moonshining in the dark.
On those rugged Appalachians
we were about fourteen men
making firebox to bury the blaze,
getting liquor from the mash, as
smoke and steam rose sky-high.
Those nights were always fun
making whiskey and rum, selling
them for prices so low, in clay
jugs signed with symbols obscure.
A silvery twilight in nineteen eleven
the revenuers arrived quickly, we
deserted our distillery, fires burning,
still working, and coats hanging.
I never took to moonshining again,
but many, several moonshines later
I know the shine always tasted better
than all the gin and rum I’ve ever tried
and I was a shiner with pride.

War in the name of Lord

2006-07-11T08:05:00.000-07:00

Mumbai blasts: for those who call it holy war - Terrorism in any form in not justified. Holy is a very inappropriate adjective for this dastardly act and I'm sure the Lord himself is grieving this day.

While He is busy mending the earth
In which for war there is no dearth
He thinks His name is called out loud
And learns it's "War in the name of Lord"

He is shocked and surprised
And strains to find if He heard it right
Alas! He has made no mistake, for
He'll now not even our prayers take

Puppy in a bag

2006-06-19T14:13:00.000-07:00

Carried by a dainty heiress
in a beautiful velvet satchel.

Peeking through perforation
with plain look of consternation.

No need for perambulation because
swinging in a royal procession.

Great sense of repletion with
slight sense of suffocation.

Enjoying all the attention
while vying for liberation.

I borrowed

2006-06-15T20:13:00.000-07:00

Green from spring's first leaf
Red from rose's velvet petal
Yellow from the sun's morning ray.

Blue from the ocean's mighty wave
And Black from the darkest night
To paint your perfect portrait.

You took a glimpse and smiled a
smile so dainty and nice I marvel
what color can capture that shine?

Suicide by farmers: families may get relief

2006-06-11T21:06:00.000-07:00

There has been so much research and numerous committees formed to study and abate the suicide plight of farmers in India, but nothing concrete has been done. Panels are yet to submit their report and a new National Agricultural Policy seems a distant dream.

Much has also been said and written on this topic and I learn from latest reports that 143 farmers committed suicide in 2005 - 2006.

http://www.indiatogether.org/agriculture/opeds.htm has some interesting insights.

For a change, here's my post in the form of a poem.

Laughter and songs are not rare
in our lives filled with peace
barn is teeming and the well full
plenty to eat and more to give.

Yellow wheat dances in the breeze
house is filled with niceties
rains make the wet ground sing
birds and cattle joining in.

Somewhere my mind moves to and fro
tells me it's not true, not verity
startled, I wake to a moving cry
yes, it is a dream, was a reality.

As transit of Venus, nimbus is rare
which has driven us to abjection
there's a graft amidst sun and rain
one ever to stay, other never seen.

This land betrayed me and my brethren
earth allover, not a blade of grass
we beseech and pray, only to move
from peace of Gods to wrath of Gods.

My child's wails sound far away
my own stomach grumbles loudly -
disrupts all my senses instantly
and benumbs emotions gradually.

Eyes are dry like the arid land
on which, I can barely stand.
weighed down by debt and hunger
I kneel and kiss it one last time.

We've eaten rats and eaten mice
but this last supper is contrary
a potion in the guise of Atmit
that I've culled with grief.

I hate to weigh my harsh measure
my family, too spent to ask or heed.
I have no choice left, but to
give us all that eternal rest.

Their eyes gleam as they indulge
mine quietly shut to fend my guilt.
I secretly wait for the inevitable
hoping I'd fall before the rest.

The Magician's daughter

2006-06-10T16:11:00.000-07:00

Bring paper to flower and fur
And move towering manors around
Turn spherule to velvet and water
And change things that surround.

She was angelic than my sorcery
My seraph, my priceless treasure
While I beguiled all the gallery
Death clipped me in a juncture.

All my conjury was in vain
Magic couldn't keep her alive
As she writhed and cried in pain
Darkness kissed her out of life.

Was she just another illusion
That darted past a charmer's vision?

Transit

2006-05-20T23:10:00.000-07:00

Carriage filled with hundred faces
Each with its spring and station
And going a hundred places
With a tiny span in unison.

As the transit abruptly ceases
They spill like peas from a skin
It was a chance togetherness
that may never happen again.

Voice

2006-05-17T22:09:00.000-07:00

As Ocean's song is its waves
As Forest speaks through its winds
As Fire's tone is its flames
Find your voice before its late.

Feel strongly for some issues
On others try to find your call
Be it right or be it false
It's better than having none at all.

Stars

2006-05-08T20:08:00.000-07:00

They bristle and blaze within
And they abidingly collapse
But on a clear night welkin
As they wink, shine and dance
Stars are the numerals of repose.

Oh, Leaf

2006-05-03T19:48:00.000-07:00

These lines on my palm
Those veins on your face
Where do they meet?
Do these stripes rule my life?
Do those seams vote your fate?

Angel face

2006-04-20T22:54:00.000-07:00

My hands are numb and so is my heart
Eyes long for tears there never are
As you lie like a fading star
Can't I take your grief and ache
Return you to your blissful state

I regret to think of your wrong
Was it because you played too long
On a road meant for a bomb
That tore through your tender form
But aren't you very strong?

I wonder what was on your mind
As you whirled and fell on the side
Was it terror or fear or pain
I know God is more than kind
Will let my sunshine last in time

Lose not hope nor lose faith
For you have your part to play
Though you war might far away take
Peace needs you for peace's sake
So come back my angel face

Reservation

2006-04-08T18:34:00.000-07:00

What better way to demoralize tens of thousands of teenagers who are about to set foot in the real world? Reservations, reservations and more reservations. Not towards “Education for students” but towards “Power for Politicians”. There are several better and tested ways to educate youngsters.First, implement mandatory education at primary level. There is no reason why two students who go to school and work hard should be treated differently at undergraduate/ graduate/ employment stages.Second, the government can consider a subsidized education scheme for the first child. Perhaps this will also tackle population issue at a very small level.Finally, it is critical to assert the overarching importance of education itself, without which the first two avenues above will not yield much result.Unfortunately, the politicians will encourage none of the above. Simply because, education translates into better awareness, and well informed people. This would mean all their rundown acts and un-kept promises coming under intense scrutiny, eventually resulting in the loss of power. That reminds me of John Steinbeck’s famous quote –

“Power does not corrupt. Fear corrupts... perhaps the fear of a loss of power”

All the processes outlined above are tedious and long drawn, and require much more effort and time than just implementing a reservation scheme. But the politicians cannot even afford they begin. At the end of all this, we have no right to lament about brain-drain. Students go where there is reward and recognition for their merit and hard work, and rightfully so. The British followed “Divide and Rule” and the Indian politicians are working overtime to keep the tradition alive.

What is more important – current social issue(s) or long-term research?

2006-03-27T17:55:00.000-08:00

During my recent visit to the Kennedy Space Center at Florida, I gathered a lot of information about future Mars Missions, next trip to the moon, and sending essentials to the International Space Station. I could sense immense excitement among the employees as they outlined the plans and shared the history with pride.

Spread over an area of over five hundred sq. kilometers, the place itself seems to be totally cut-off from the rest of the world. It is a complex machinery with seventeen thousand employees working relentlessly towards the next launch. Despite all the doubts and uncertainities associated with these complex space programs, there was a current of optimism and accomplishment.

As I headed back from KSC, I had a feeling of returning to the real world. There were people returning from work, kids from school and vehicles rushing to their destinations. As one trail of thought led to another, I thought of all those people without a home, without education and other social ills plaguing this world. Should all the funds and energy that go into such a grand space program be re-channeled? Is it a waste of time and money to dream of settling down in Mars? The answer is a resounding NO.

Problems fall into different categories. Issues like population explosion, illiteracy, crime, and poverty are inter-related and have prevailed always. They have reduced/increased at different rates based on the inter-dependence amongst each other. There are governments, many NGOs, and non-profit organizations that are working towards decreasing these. Then there are man-made and natural calamities. Natural calamities like tsunamis, earthquakes etc are not totally foreseeable yet. However, there are scientists working round the clock to make them more predictable and hence less calamitous. Lastly, man has contributed his fair share in keeping terrorism and warfare prevalent on the face of earth.

Despite all this, one cannot dispute that life today is far better than it was a few decades ago. There are always two kinds of innovations or research that take place – One, addresses current problem(s) and second, in pursuit of a grander dream with no correlation to the current situation. However, on closer look, even the first category comes about due to the curiosity of human mind. Fleming’s discovery of penicillin and Pasteur’s discovery of vaccines were a direct result of mind’s inclination to explore and find new things. I would put Wright Brothers’ invention of airplanes into the second category. If they had been restricted to mitigating social problems, I wouldn’t be where I am today. Better still, there would be no KSC.

All the research that leads to these inventions and discoveries provides immense learning along the way, which is applied to making better, the present life. In the end, it’s not just the end, but the means too.

Human mind is too complex, and brilliant. To curtail its enthusiasm and arrest its wonder would be a bane to mankind. In research, it is amazing how grown up people can sustain the mind of an eight or nine year old. To ask them to go slow on grand projects and not tread un-chartered territories is to deny them freedom. I cannot emphasize the importance of research enough. Hats off to all those beautiful minds and good luck to all the research that is going on in this world.

Censorship

2006-02-23T14:54:00.000-08:00

Censorship typically refers to deleting parts of a movie, play or written material to prevent it from reaching public eyes. Before going on to discuss if censorship in any form is justified or not, it helps to look at how the same has evolved over the last few decades.

During this period, censoring and censorship have continuously assumed new meanings. Roughly thirty years back, it was film censorship, which was predominant. There was occasionally a furor about editing or removing scenes from films. Or, sometimes the rating for the movie changed. When I think carefully, it was usually because of some sexual content that was inappropriate for the mass audience. The censor board must have felt that the material was not suited for children of certain ages. It was a straightforward case few years ago. I don't remember too many controversies about written material in papers or magazines.

In today's context, censorship is a complicated matter. It has assumed a new and more important role in print media, movies and plays and for that matter in any medium of expression. One has to admit that while globalization has brought us closer to diverse communities, it has also made us intolerant, oversensitive and critical. No community or country is isolated and hence is prone to comments and criticisms from all fronts. Having said that it is not hard to see why censorships today are not necessarily for explicit sexual content.

One cannot sufficiently emphasize the importance of the freedom of speech and expression. Any curb on this would reduce us to living corpses. I am almost tempted to say that censorship in any form, under any context and anywhere is totally unjustified. However, a second look at recent happenings over the cartoons of Prophet Mohammad published in a Danish daily makes me cautious. While this incident assumed global proportions, I know of numerous such incidents at regional and national levels. The loss of hundreds of innocent and intolerant lives over petty cartoons clearly shows that we as a society are still not mature to handle comments in a positive frame, and creative ideas in lighter vein. I do not know these people who called for processions or protested outside offices and embassies. Perhaps they were unemployed youth who had nothing worthwhile to do. They thought it was best to express their unhappiness and anger by torching lives. It's strange that something like a cartoon strip, which is meant to amuse people, becomes responsible for loss of lives.

Despite out tremendous advancements in science, education and technology, humans are still emotionally immature. We do not have the capacity to laugh at brickbats and thrusts. The lack of emotional maturity presents itself in the form of extremely volatile situations. A small group of immature rebels are able to mobilize individuals to form a gang, and fight for a completely trivial issue.

Unfortunately, censorship in some form is needed today. But only as a medium to evaluate and edit, if needed, contents that are provocative. The board should include representatives from diverse fields - writers, painters, movies, theater, and others. The board could work within a well-defined framework on how to handle contents that are provocative. This will ensure fairness because the board would be a balanced representation from all these fields and the members would be qualified enough to judge the content, while still ensuring freedom of speech and opinion.

Royal Shakespeare Company's "The Life and Adventures of Nicholas Nickleby"

2006-02-05T17:53:00.000-08:00

It took me a while to get started on this series. Perhaps because I had never watched a stage show captured for television. I expected it to be a series of exhausting conversations in a dismal setting that seldom changed. But, I was wrong on all accounts. The ‘Life and Adventures of Nicholas Nickleby’ is a classic and outstanding show. Every character from Nicholas and Smike to Ralph and Crummles has done tremendous justice to their roles. The display of emotions, clarity of dialogues, and intensity of expressions are astonishing. I assume there must have been thirty to thirty-five actors in the show. The number of characters in the play is definitely higher. The dexterity with which actors have played multiple roles is phenomenal. Despite the limited resources and space constraints inherent in such shows, the setting changed swiftly and fittingly. Not once did I feel the dreariness of a stagnant location. The sound effects, from the knock of doors to Newman Noggs’s snapping fingers, are very natural. This is a magnificent rendering of Dickens’s novel and a must-watch. I suggest watching one part a day, because it gives sufficient break to chew over that episode, and absorb the performances in their entirety.

Quantitative Finance

2005-10-12T21:52:00.000-07:00

The field of quantitative finance is rich and interesting. When I mention the term "Financial Engineering" many people quip "Oh, now finance too has engineering..". Well, its aptly called that way because of the application of mathematical and engineering methods to problems in finance. But there is a lot of physics too. When I see Brownian Motion being applied to stock prices, there is a part of me thatsvery happy to use a tiny bit of the statistical physics that I learnt.
2005 is the world year of physics. Someone mentioned this is because, in 1905, Einstein published three most important papers in physics history - general relativity, photoelectric effect and brownian motion. Its surprising how a 100 years later brownian motion is applied in economics and finance to study stock prices like random motion of particles in a fluid. The famous black scholes model for option pricing uses quantum physics to make it simpler, unlike when it uses Ito's calculus.
Another important use of physics in finance is attributed to Feynman, for the sum-over-paths integral method (electromagnetic particles).
Econophysics is a relatively new branch, which lists a whole bunch of other applications of mathematical physics to finance. http://www.derivativesstrategy.com/ has some nice comic strips on trades, hedge funds and other aspects of finance.

Physics

2005-10-12T17:51:00.000-07:00

Physics is a beautiful subject. I was never an outstanding student, but I enjoyed every bit of what I learnt. Its amazing how it explains everything from the so big to the so small. Personally I feel that it forms a strong base for some of the engineering streams. Feynman Lectures on Physics is a treat to every student who likes physics or wants to know about physics. Sometimes, I feel too much of Mathematics just overshadows the physics behind. Nevertheless, from what I've observed, matrices and differential equations are a very integral part of physics.

Its good to be first...

2005-10-05T02:33:00.000-07:00

Its amazing how two places geographically so close to each other can be so different in life style.I don't want to say much about NYC. It has all the frenzy, chaos, excitement, rush, activity and madness about it. Delaware, on the other hand is so laid back, like life on first gear. They are like day and night. Sometimes, I wonder why people who come from NYC don't carry a part of that fever to this place. Downtown Wilmington is slightly better, you can see (a few) people around. UD is a nice place, as all universities are. There's nothing else. Though there is some charm to the quietness, it gets unnerving at times. Its not amusing to stare into wilderness always. But I guess, I've learnt to appreciate each of these places because of the other. I think, I may miss Delaware when I move to NYC!

A new day...

2005-09-21T17:49:00.000-07:00

Another day, Another sunrise
There is hope and fond memories
The road behind is long and winding
The one ahead is endless too
And so are the train of thoughts

There's lot happening out there
It all seeks you forever, the good
And the bad, as you stand unshielded
It feeds to the thoughts, which battles
with the endless boundaries

As morning gives way to dusk
While nature unfolds its wrath
There is the hurricane, there is famine
While man unfolds his intolerance
There is war, there are bombings

While he unfolds his indifference
There is poverty and illiteracy
while he forgets his boundaries
There is crime and lawlessness
And you wonder what more is in store

As I look right ahead in the dark
The road is still long and winding
But not as clear as I knew it to be
But there is no reason to lose heart
For tomorrow will be a better day
With a new way, New sunrise.

Idle Time

2005-09-14T17:48:00.000-07:00

As much as we all long for free time, we are also scared of being idle. Time between jobs, time between finishing school and starting a job, time after retirement - all these situations make us atleast uncomfortable, if not terrified.

A recent short story that I read in The Hindu (India's leading national daily), Book review section, beautifully conveyed the message of confonting uncommitted time. Time Starer (as the author calls it) is a concept where you just absorb your surroundings and stare at time, and are not frightened.

At the end your soul will be cleansed and you will be ready to start on your next venture, job, whatever. It effectively says the time tested truth (but in an interesting way) - time is the best healer!!

Educational Institutions...

2005-09-11T17:47:00.000-07:00

Educational Institutions have much more to offer than mere degrees. Agreed, the subject matter is learnt thoroughly. But the overall personality of the student changes. Its the perseverance, hardwork, ability to hang on there at tough times, time management, academic integrity, tolerance, respect for other fields and others' views - all this and much more which are inculcated into every student, making him/ her prepared for the world outside.

You see some of the most brilliant and finest minds around you, it keeps you on earth. You observe people so focussed, it keeps you on track. Its a world of opportunities - make the best use of it. My time at Cornell has been the most memorable and eventful. I am sad school is over so quick. I am proud to be a Cornellian!

~~~ grey waves ~~~